Thursday, February 11, 2010
Change
So this will be a bit of a venting post, so sorry in advance.....I used to think that I wasn't that bothered by change. I adapted pretty well going from a small little school where I went from 2nd grade all the way to 8th grade, to a huge new school for high school. I was pretty nervous, but found that I made friends very easy and I soon loved being there and in fact, sometimes I catch myself dreaming, that I am still in fact a high schooler. I find myself at this very moment, typing what I really want to say, and then deleting the very same thing. It's sometimes hard for me to say how I am really feeling, for fear of being mean, or it coming out the wrong way. I am working on that. I used to think that I was in the back seat, watching everyone else's life pass by and then I caught up! I am engaged to the man of my dreams and I couldn't be happier being with him. I'm a grown up now, with my own house with my name on it and everything. I love being around Jacob, he makes me smile and knows just how to make me feel better. There are things that bug me to NO end, that don't seem to bother other people, when they should in my opinion. Or maybe I am looking at it the wrong way, b/c I am not in that situation? I don't seem to think so. It just feels, when you finally catch up to where everone else is, the race isn't over. Where you are is in the past for everyone else, there are more important things in life for others. I don't feel compatible anymore. I am not in the same spot, actually never have been, but they are all I know. I was hoping and praying things would never change, but they have and continue to do so. I guess I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to keep my feelings to myself. I don't know how to not let everyone know when something is important and it should matter to them. I don't know how to not let things bother me so much, and sometimes the things don't even pertain to me, but it still bothers me, to the point where I am angry. There is no common ground anymore, between them yes, between us, no. Maybe I will get there one day, but I honestly don't want too. I only do, to become a part again, I am an outsider now and I am trying to deal with that. Change, maybe I'm not so good at it anymore.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
The Bourgeois'
About Me
- Ashlie Gremillion Bourgeois
- Louisiana, United States
- I am Ashlie and I am married to the man of my dreams! It is amazing to know God was thinking of me when he created Jacob. We have three cats together who are our babies! I love the Lord, my friends and family more than words can express. I am a happy woman who is extremely thankful for all she has.
3 comments:
hey girlie! I think I might kind of know how you feel.. I mean, I'm 23 and not engaged, married, own a house or having babies! Frankly, only now do I feel ready for even ONE of those things! lol But it can feel weird sometimes to be soo far "behind" other girls my age. But don't let the fact that they already have kids and stuff like that make you feel like any less of an adult or woman. Don't let that make you an outsider. I could be totally wrong in guessing what you're talking about but I know that that can seem like a reason for feeling left out even if you don't even WANT those things yet or ever! But also remember that we live in the south and if we lived up north they would think we were all crazy for getting married and having babies so young! that's just not how it's done up there. Also I'm not graduated from college. I still need to go back for at least two years just to get my undergrad degree. That can make me feel like 'it's too late' because other people are already graduated/graduating. But it's NEVER too late. Life just moves at different speeds for everyone. People should realize that GOD'S timing is what matters, not their own and should respect you moving at your own/God's pace :)
Ashlie, I love you! I love you for always being the friend who was ALWAYS caring about everyone and always being considerate. That is not something to change or apllologize for being. Even though we all might be at different stages of life, some things should never change. One of the things that make you such a great friend is how you are always there no matter what.
Oh my dear, sweet Ashlie. This is why I love you. This is why you are considered a great friend. This is why you've consistently been asked to be in everyone's wedding. Look in the dictionary for "great friend" and there you'll find a picture of yourself. It's always good to vent! Don't beat yourself up over stepping on anyone's toes. The people who know you and love you will ALWAYS accept the good, bad, and sometimes ugly that comes out when we're bothered by something. The only thing I can really say is...well, everyone is different. Not one of our "girls" in the "group" has the same exact personality and that's what makes our group work! I mean truly last! It would be so catty and boring if we all thought the same. We all balance each other out some way or another. Change is not always an easy thing and I think all of us truly feel like we're in "different spots" in our lives, but we can always be grateful that someone has been or is going through what we have or will go through. Things change when we might not want them to, however it's great knowing that through it all we're ALL still together. How many closely knit groups of girls who graduated together can STILL say that? Don't let things discourage you, God is blessing you every day! :o) I love you sister!!! Don't ever change who you are!
Post a Comment